Proud.

This post has been on my mind for weeks, but every time I sit down to write it the words won't come. There are just some things that create emotions too big to put on paper, and so I know I can't do justice to what I feel, but I need to try anyway, and just so you know ahead of time, it's going to be "wordy."

I grew up in a home where a love of America was evident and gratitude for our freedoms was shown. Our home library was filled with stories of American patriots like George Washington, Francis Scott Key, and Abraham Lincoln, along with others who lived the American dream like Jim Thorpe, James C. Penney, and Bob Hope. I remember hearing the story, "Man Without a Country" at age 6 or 7 and feeling deep in my heart gratitude to have a country; gratitude that America was MINE. Both of my grandfathers fought in WWII and I had uncles who had served in Viet Nam and Korea. I was proud of that. I remember singing "Proud to be an American" for the first time and feeling my heart swell so big I thought it would burst out of my chest. I still can't sing that song without my heart beating fast and tears welling up in my eyes.

When I met my husband it soon became evident to me that his love for America equalled my own. Only his love didn't stop with words or feelings. I knew he planned to do everything in his power to protect us and our freedoms. But I didn't know what that really meant until September 11, 2001. I was 8+ months pregnant with AJ, and working on the bumper pad for her cradle when J called telling me to turn on the news. As I watched the towers fall I couldn't even process what was happening, what this meant for our nation as a whole, or what it would mean for my family. But slowly it started to sink in. J was in his last year of law school, doing ROTC, and a volunteer in the National Guard. In a few short months he would be going on active duty; it was inevitable that at some point he would be deploying into a war zone. He was ready and willing and would have shipped out right then. And while I supported him in that desire, I admit I was scared. But he never was and never has been. And now as he is away, serving and protecting, my heart swells. I'm not scared, I'm proud.

J and I hit our 13th wedding anniversary last week, and as I thought about it, his reason for missing it is tied directly to one of the things I love most about him, one of the big reasons I knew he was the one for me. He is a patriot through and through and doesn't just talk about loving his country, he doesn't just feel, he acts. I am grateful for him and for his example to me. He is my Moroni and I have always felt this excerpt from The Book of Mormon should be talking about him:

Alma 48:11-13, 16-17

" And Moroni was a ^astrong and a mighty man; he was a man of a perfect ^bunderstanding; yea, a man that did not delight in bloodshed; a man whose soul did joy in the liberty and the freedom of his country, and his brethren from bondage and slavery; Yea, a man whose heart did swell with thanksgiving to his God, for the many privileges and blessings which he bestowed upon his people; a man who did labor exceedingly for the ^awelfare and safety of his people.

Yea, and he was a man who was firm in the faith of Christ, and he had ^asworn with an oath to defend his people, his rights, and his country, and his religion, even to the loss of his blood ...and this was the faith of Moroni, and his heart did glory in it; ^bnot in the shedding of blood but in doing good, in preserving his people, yea, in keeping the commandments of God, yea, and resisting iniquity.

Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto ^aMoroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the ^bdevil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men."

I love my husband. I hope he knows how deeply I do and how proud of him I am. I love my country. I hope my children will understand the blessings they have from living in this land and realize that their freedom comes at a price. That their dad may be gone for a little while, but that he is doing good and important things to ensure they continue to benefit from the liberties we now enjoy. I hope they will realize that their sacrifice is a little one. Their dad will be home soon, but there are others who have sacrificed so much more; those whose dads have and will be gone a lot longer. And there are some whose dads will never come home. I am so grateful to those in the military (including my brother as well as other family and dear friends) and all of those who have and continue to sacrifice for my sake and work hard to keep us all safe, both at home and abroad. I am proud to be an American!